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这年头，大棚把季节搞乱，小姐把辈份搞乱，关系把程序搞乱，级别把能力搞乱，公安把秩序搞乱，金钱把官场搞乱，手机把家庭搞乱！
zhe nian tou da peng ba ji jie gao luan xiao jie ba bei fen gao luan guan xi ba cheng xu gao luan ji bie ba neng li gao luan gong an ba zhi xu gao luan jin qian ba guan chang gao luan shou ji ba jia ting gao luan
这年头，女人漂亮的不下厨房，下厨房的不温柔，温柔的没主见，有主见的没女人味，有女人味的乱花钱，不乱花钱的不时尚，时尚的不放心，放心的没法看！
zhe nian tou nv ren piao liang de bu xia chu fang xia chu fang de bu wen rou wen rou de mei zhu jian you zhu jian de mei nv ren wei you nv ren wei de luan hua qian bu luan hua qian de bu shi shang shi shang de bu fang xin fang xin de mei fa kan
这年头，老婆像小灵通经济实惠但限本地使用，二奶像中国电信安全固定但带不出门，小蜜像中国移动使用方便但话费太贵。情人像中国联通优雅新潮但常不在服务区！
zhe nian tou lao po xiang xiao ling tong jing ji shi hui dan xian ben di shi yong er nai xiang zhong guo dian xin an quan gu ding dan dai bu chu men xiao mi xiang zhong guo yi dong shi yong fang bian dan hua fei tai gui qing ren xiang zhong guo lian tong you ya xin chao dan chang bu zai fu wu qu
这年头，一哥们说北京地铁拥挤不堪他怀孕的老婆竟被挤流产了；昨天他问上海的地铁是不是好些，上海的哥们说更糟：上个月他老婆乘地铁竟然被挤怀孕了！
zhe nian tou yi ge men shuo bei jing di tie yong ji bu kan ta huai yun de lao po jing bei ji liu chan le zuo tian ta wen shang hai de di tie shi bu shi hao xie shang hai de ge men shuo geng zao shang ge yue ta lao po cheng di tie jing ran bei ji huai yun le
这年头，教授摇唇鼓舌，四处赚钱，越来越像商人；商人现身讲坛，著书立说，越来越像教授。医生见死不救，草菅人命，越来越像杀手；杀手出手麻利，不留后患，越来越像医生。明星卖弄风骚，给钱就上，越来越像妓女；妓女楚楚动人，明码标价，越来越像明星。警察横行霸道，欺软怕硬，越来越像地痞；地痞各霸一方，敢做敢当，越来越像警察。流言有根有据，基本属实，越来越像新闻；新闻捕风捉影，随意夸大，越来越像流言。
zhe nian tou jiao shou yao chun gu she si chu zhuan qian yue lai yue xiang shang ren shang ren xian shen jiang tan zhu shu li shuo yue lai yue xiang jiao shou yi sheng jian si bu jiu cao jian ren ming yue lai yue xiang sha shou sha shou chu shou ma li bu liu hou huan yue lai yue xiang yi sheng ming xing mai nong feng sao gei qian jiu shang yue lai yue xiang ji nv ji nv chu chu dong ren ming ma biao jia yue lai yue xiang ming xing jing cha heng hang ba dao qi ruan pa ying yue lai yue xiang di pi di pi ge ba yi fang gan zuo gan dang yue lai yue xiang jing cha liu yan you gen you ju ji ben shu shi yue lai yue xiang xin wen xin wen bu feng zhuo ying sui yi kua da yue lai yue xiang liu yan
这年头，军委领导说解放军的工资如果翻四倍可以打美国，翻三倍可以打日本，翻两倍可以打台湾，翻一倍可以回家打老婆，目前的工资回家只能被老婆打！
zhe nian tou jun wei ling dao shuo jie fang jun de gong zi ru guo fan si bei ke yi da mei guo fan san bei ke yi da ri ben fan liang bei ke yi da tai wan fan yi bei ke yi hui jia da lao po mu qian de gong zi hui jia zhi neng bei lao po da
这年头，完美的人生就是住英国的房子，戴瑞士手表，拿美国工资，娶韩国女人，嫖俄罗斯女人，开德国轿车，喝法国红酒，雇菲律宾女佣
zhe nian tou wan mei de ren sheng jiu shi zhu ying guo de fang zi dai rui shi shou biao na mei guo gong zi qu han guo nv ren piao e luo si nv ren kai de guo jiao che he fa guo hong jiu gu fei lv bin nv yong
这年头，苦干实干，做给天看；东混西混，一帆风顺；任劳任怨，永难如愿；会捧会献，杰出贡献；尽职尽责，必遭指责；推托栽赃，邀功领赏！
zhe nian tou ku gan shi gan zuo gei tian kan dong hun xi hun yi fan feng shun ren lao ren yuan yong nan ru yuan hui peng hui xian jie chu gong xian jin zhi jin ze bi zao zhi ze tui tuo zai zang yao gong ling shang
这年头，男人的小康就是有一所像样的小房，有一辆时尚的小车，有一笔吃喝的小钞，有一位顾家的小太，有一门管用的小“炮”，有一群擦炮的小蜜！
zhe nian tou nan ren de xiao kang jiu shi you yi suo xiang yang de xiao fang you yi liang shi shang de xiao che you yi bi chi he de xiao chao you yi wei gu jia de xiao tai you yi men guan yong de xiao pao you yi qun ca pao de xiao mi
这年头，为官之道就是为领导干一百件好事也不如与领导一起干一件坏事，领导带你一起干了一件坏事那肯定有一百件好事等着你！
zhe nian tou wei guan zhi dao jiu shi wei ling dao gan yi bai jian hao shi ye bu ru yu ling dao yi qi gan yi jian huai shi ling dao dai ni yi qi gan le yi jian huai shi na ken ding you yi bai jian hao shi deng zhe ni
这年头，说河南人诈骗，广东人笑了；说河南人造假，浙江人笑了；说河南人斤斤计较，上海人笑了；说河南人夸夸其谈，北京人笑了；说河南人傻，诸葛亮笑了！
zhe nian tou shuo he nan ren zha pian guang dong ren xiao le shuo he nan ren zao jia zhe jiang ren xiao le shuo he nan ren jin jin ji jiao shang hai ren xiao le shuo he nan ren kua kua qi tan bei jing ren xiao le shuo he nan ren sha zhu ge liang xiao le
这年头，海关数学等式为：专家+实干=白忙；立正+稍息=管理；唱歌+跳舞=业务；听话+擦鞋=能力；大话+做秀=成绩；年龄+糊涂=可靠；军龄+关龄=任用。这年头，海关实现了十化：关长贵族化，关员奴隶化，考核经常化，上班日夜化，加班无偿化，挨训习惯化，晋升内定化，检查形式化，待遇渲染化，加薪？他妈的神话！
zhe nian tou hai guan shu xue deng shi wei zhuan jia + shi gan = bai mang li zheng + shao xi = guan li chang ge + tiao wu = ye wu ting hua + ca xie = neng li da hua + zuo xiu = cheng ji nian ling + hu tu = ke kao jun ling + guan ling = ren yong zhe nian tou hai guan shi xian le shi hua guan chang gui zu hua guan yuan nu li hua kao he jing chang hua shang ban ri ye hua jia ban wu chang hua ai xun xi guan hua jin sheng nei ding hua jian cha xing shi hua dai yu xuan ran hua jia xin ta ma de shen hua
这年头，生命在于运动，关系在于走动，感情在于心动，亲吻在于感动，拥抱在于激动，抚摸在于颤动，男方在于抽动，女方在于扭动，高潮在于互动，射精最好别动！
zhe nian tou sheng ming zai yu yun dong guan xi zai yu zou dong gan qing zai yu xin dong qin wen zai yu gan dong yong bao zai yu ji dong fu mo zai yu chan dong nan fang zai yu chou dong nv fang zai yu niu dong gao chao zai yu hu dong she jing zui hao bie dong
这年头，河南人好生郁闷：好不容易有座山，却是平顶山；好不容易有家酒店，却是驻馬店；好不容易想结婚，自己却洛了“阳”；好不容易找个老婆，却被人家开了“封”！
zhe nian tou he nan ren hao sheng yu men hao bu rong yi you zuo shan que shi ping ding shan hao bu rong yi you jia jiu dian que shi zhu ma dian hao bu rong yi xiang jie hun zi ji que luo le yang hao bu rong yi zhao ge lao po que bei ren jia kai le feng
这年头，接听电话声音渐渐小对方是领导，声音渐渐大对方是部下，一听就发燥对方拨错号，笑得不停歇那是女同学，半天哼一下老婆在训话，悄悄避开人对方是情人！
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zhe nian tou jie ting dian hua sheng yin jian jian xiao dui fang shi ling dao sheng yin jian jian da dui fang shi bu xia yi ting jiu fa zao dui fang bo cuo hao xiao de bu ting xie na shi nv tong xue ban tian heng yi xia lao po zai xun hua qiao qiao bi kai ren dui fang shi qing ren
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这年头，当官也不容易：体质弱的累死，心胸窄的气死，智商低的悉死，胆量小的吓死，酒量小的喝死，性欲差的羞死，性欲强的那可真是舒服死！
zhe nian tou dang guan ye bu rong yi ti zhi ruo de lei si xin xiong zhai de qi si zhi shang di de xi si dan liang xiao de xia si jiu liang xiao de he si xing yu cha de xiu si xing yu qiang de na ke zhen shi shu fu si
这年头，教育好子女是生命延续的重要代表，理顺好领导安排好部下是权力重要代表，办好朋友的事是人生价值的重要代表！
zhe nian tou jiao yu hao zi nv shi sheng ming yan xu de zhong yao dai biao li shun hao ling dao an pai hao bu xia shi quan li zhong yao dai biao ban hao peng you de shi shi ren sheng jia zhi de zhong yao dai biao
这年头，人有钱有时间有个好身体，绝品；人有钱无病无时间，珍品；人无钱无病有时间，上品；人无钱无病无时间，次品；人无钱无时间有脾气，废品！
zhe nian tou ren you qian you shi jian you ge hao shen ti jue pin ren you qian wu bing wu shi jian zhen pin ren wu qian wu bing you shi jian shang pin ren wu qian wu bing wu shi jian ci pin ren wu qian wu shi jian you pi qi fei pin
这年头，警察接到五条禁令：禁止和美女睡觉兴奋致死！禁止和情人睡觉醉生梦死！禁止和丑女睡觉烦躁致死！禁止和小姐睡觉劳累致死！禁止和老婆睡觉整夜装死！
zhe nian tou jing cha jie dao wu tiao jin ling jin zhi he mei nv shui jiao xing fen zhi si jin zhi he qing ren shui jiao zui sheng meng si jin zhi he chou nv shui jiao fan zao zhi si jin zhi he xiao jie shui jiao lao lei zhi si jin zhi he lao po shui jiao zheng ye zhuang si
这年头，干部素质要求你：心中有小平，袋中有文凭，对上能摆平，对下能铲平，道德没水平，金库能填平，左手拿酒瓶，右手握药瓶，家里有醋瓶，外面有花瓶！
zhe nian tou gan bu su zhi yao qiu ni xin zhong you xiao ping dai zhong you wen ping dui shang neng bai ping dui xia neng chan ping dao de mei shui ping jin ku neng tian ping zuo shou na jiu ping you shou wo yao ping jia li you cu ping wai mian you hua ping
这年头，构建和谐社会要注意在自然界不要和天斗，在国际社会不要和美国斗，在路上不要和军车斗，在单位不要和领导斗，在家里不要和老婆斗！
zhe nian tou gou jian he xie she hui yao zhu yi zai zi ran jie bu yao he tian dou zai guo ji she hui bu yao he mei guo dou zai lu shang bu yao he jun che dou zai dan wei bu yao he ling dao dou zai jia li bu yao he lao po dou
这年头，听说要去打台湾，一老红军把计献：派三万人马足矣：派一万小姐过去把他奶奶的国军身体搞垮，派一万河南老乡过去把他娘的经济搞乱，派一万领导干部过去把他妈的国库折腾干！这年头，十类人不宜做大官：1胆小，2话多，3钱少，4关系差，5酒量小，6才华横溢，7学历太高，8疾恶如仇，9性功能差，10有姿色不肯献身。
zhe nian tou ting shuo yao qu da tai wan yi lao hong jun ba ji xian pai san wan ren ma zu yi pai yi wan xiao jie guo qu ba ta nai nai de guo jun shen ti gao kua pai yi wan he nan lao xiang guo qu ba ta niang de jing ji gao luan pai yi wan ling dao gan bu guo qu ba ta ma de guo ku zhe teng gan zhe nian tou shi lei ren bu yi zuo da guan 1 dan xiao 2 hua duo 3 qian shao 4 guan xi cha 5 jiu liang xiao 6 cai hua heng yi 7 xue li tai gao 8 ji e ru chou 9 xing gong neng cha 10 you zi se bu ken xian shen
这年头，开展批评太难了：批评老婆她就乱跑，批评老公他就乱搞！批评上级就官位难保，批评同级就关系难搞，批评自己就自寻烦恼，批评下级就选票减少！
zhe nian tou kai zhan pi ping tai nan le pi ping lao po ta jiu luan pao pi ping lao gong ta jiu luan gao pi ping shang ji jiu guan wei nan bao pi ping tong ji jiu guan xi nan gao pi ping zi ji jiu zi xun fan nao pi ping xia ji jiu xuan piao jian shao
这年头，各级领导虽然都位高权重但对群众要求还是蛮关心的。凡男人求领导办事，领导都会热情地说：你怎么不提钱（前）来讲嘛！凡女人求领导办事，领导总是推托说：我很忙，“日”后再说！
zhe nian tou ge ji ling dao sui ran dou wei gao quan zhong dan dui qun zhong yao qiu hai shi man guan xin de fan nan ren qiu ling dao ban shi ling dao dou hui re qing di shuo ni zen me bu ti qian qian lai jiang ma fan nv ren qiu ling dao ban shi ling dao zong shi tui tuo shuo wo hen mang ri hou zai shuo
这年头，老婆是家情人是花，工资给家奖金送花，病了回家好了看花，离不了的是家忘不了的是花，常回家看看别忘了浇花！这年头，女人的基本配置是：身边站个魁梧的，怀里搂个功夫的，家里待个赚钱的，远方有个思念的，梦里藏个初恋的，偶尔来个温柔的，老了混个懂保健的。
zhe nian tou lao po shi jia qing ren shi hua gong zi gei jia jiang jin song hua bing le hui jia hao le kan hua li bu le de shi jia wang bu le de shi hua chang hui jia kan kan bie wang le jiao hua zhe nian tou nv ren de ji ben pei zhi shi shen bian zhan ge kui wu de huai li lou ge gong fu de jia li dai ge zhuan qian de yuan fang you ge si nian de meng li cang ge chu lian de ou er lai ge wen rou de lao le hun ge dong bao jian de
这年头，男人认为情人是手表越漂亮越好，小蜜是怀表越隐秘越好，小姐是电子表越新鲜越好，老婆是自动表不上弦照样跑，各种表都想要只是时间要掌握好！
zhe nian tou nan ren ren wei qing ren shi shou biao yue piao liang yue hao xiao mi shi huai biao yue yin mi yue hao xiao jie shi dian zi biao yue xin xian yue hao lao po shi zi dong biao bu shang xian zhao yang pao ge zhong biao dou xiang yao zhi shi shi jian yao zhang wo hao
这年头，到处都是错别字：植树造零，白收起家，勤捞致富，选霸干部，任人为闲，择油录取，得财兼币，检查宴收，大力支吃，为民储害，提钱释放，攻官小姐。
zhe nian tou dao chu dou shi cuo bie zi zhi shu zao ling bai shou qi jia qin lao zhi fu xuan ba gan bu ren ren wei xian ze you lu qu de cai jian bi jian cha yan shou da li zhi chi wei min chu hai ti qian shi fang gong guan xiao jie
这年头，结婚叫入网，重婚叫一卡双号，婚外恋叫呼叫转移，情人多叫移动梦网，离婚叫销号，分居叫停机留号，女人再婚叫过户。男人再婚叫补卡，互换叫联通
zhe nian tou jie hun jiao ru wang zhong hun jiao yi ka shuang hao hun wai lian jiao hu jiao zhuan yi qing ren duo jiao yi dong meng wang li hun jiao xiao hao fen ju jiao ting ji liu hao nv ren zai hun jiao guo hu nan ren zai hun jiao bu ka hu huan jiao lian tong
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